Dilation II

Part of a series of works that explores the darkness that comes for us all at some point. It normally creeps up on me gradually, and I either avoid it or convince myself it's not there. It shows itself to me by an increasingly stifled or stressful feeling. Elevated heart rate, gritted teeth, sore jaw muscles, general annoyance.
 
There are ghosts in there – mistakes, regrets, missing pieces, triggers, and old patterns that eventually set me off. I've learned over time that staring directly into it makes it easier to identify. My eyes have to "get used to the dark" just like they do physically as I get older.
 
This series was a hard slog for me. I started with an excitement to create abstract expressionist works with a combination of black paint and collage, but it didn't come easily at first. Fits and starts. It was frustrating, and I felt like a failure. But over time  I had the renewed excitement of finding a new visual language, and ultimately these pieces spoke to me and showed me what was inside.
 
18x24" mixed media collage on canvas panel, framed.